Dreamer...

I'm going to get serious this time. Sorry this is so long, but I am very passionate about this post. After all, I developed new dreams today.

In my Introduction to the Honors Program class we started talking a little bit about the awards and honors students can recieve. I must warn you: this may sound a little silly/overdramatic, but bear with me. My teacher began to describe the Latin graduation honors, Cum Laude, Magna Cum Laude and Summa Cum Laude. As he described the shoulder piece for Summa Cum Laude, I began to feel restless and excited. Right there, I decided that I was going to graduate with this honor, the highest honor anyone can recieve. I pictured myself walking across the graduation stage wearing my extra accessory, and I had to hold back the smile that tried to appear on my face.
Then he began to talk about the Phi Beta Kappa fraternity, which is the oldest and most prestigious fraternity in existence. It is also one of the highest possible honors a student can recieve. As soon as he said that, I again decided that this was another goal of mine.
When I returned to my dorm, I did a little research on Phi Beta Kappa. Membership is for liberal arts students. I know many of you are thinking 'But she's a business major,' and you're right, but, recently, I decided to major in Spanish as well, which is part of the College of Arts and Sciences. This fraternity is not something you can apply for. A certain number of the eligible students are invited to join. To even be eligible requires at least a 3.7 GPA, two years of a foreign language, as well as many other liberal arts credits. Membership is life-long and members include many former presidents, as well as several current Supreme Court Justices. This is a representation of the brightest, most hard-working people in the country, and I want to be a part of it.

Anyone who knows me at all understands how ambitious I am, but I have to admit, this seems a little too ambitious, even for me. To graduate Summa Cum Laude requires at least a 3.95GPA. I am not so positive that I can do this. The only optimism I have comes in the fact that did it in highschool. I know what you're thinking: 'But this is college.' Yes. Those are my thoughts exactly, but so far, I have had no trouble at all in college. I know it will get harder, but, as time goes on, I will have more knowledge and I will be ready for the next level. Still, though, I don't think I can pull this off.
In addition, my chances of being selected for Phi Beta Kappa are very slim, in my opinion. It is an extremely selective group of incredibly intelligent and successful people. I would like to think that I fit into that category, but I just don't know. I don't even know if I will meet the membership requirements when my senior year comes around.

I realize that I have a very negative attitude about all this, but I can't help it. It seems like I am always the girl who works her butt off, almost to the point of exhaustion, and comes so close, but never gets it. For example, after four years in high school, I graduated with ONE B on my transcript. That's right. ONE. I got that grade first semester of my freshman year. Most people would call this a fantastic accomplishment, but not me. Because of that ONE B, I didn't recieve the Superintendent's Award at graduation. To this day, the thought kills me. For most people, this is not a big deal in any way, but I am not most people. If it seems like I'm overreacting about the award, you must understand, being successful in school is the absolute most important thing to me. I know that the awards/honors I recieve in highschool and college will have no effect on my success in the professional world, but that isn't what matters to me. My intelligence and hard-work are what make me who I am and what I want to be known for. I want to be as successful in school as I can possibly be. It hurts to think that after all of the work I put in throughout high school, I still could not achieve this award because of a grade from four years ago.

I want college to be different. I want to walk across that stage at graduation with a Summa Cum Laude award and an invitation for membership in Phi Beta Kappa. I want people to see me cross and think, 'Wow. She is amazing.' This is not important to a lot of people, but it is to me. It may seem too ambitious a goal, but this is what I want. I want to make it happen this time.